Tuesday Halloween Open Comments

I’ve come across several web sites that consist of two sentence horror stories.

“I told my neighbor I had to shoot their dog in self-defense. Actually, he was just too good at digging up bones.”

“The deepest part of the ocean is 10,916 meters. According to our instruments, we should have passed that 3 kilometers ago.”

“As we stood there in the desert, I wondered – why had we dug more graves than bodies?” [Okay, that’s ONE sentence.]

How well can we do? I’ll start:

“While one a haunted house tour, my friend jokingly dared me to a staring contest with a painting of the house’s original owner. The painting lost.”

“I kept seeing my curtain moving out of the corner of my eye, and it was keeping me awake. I got up to close the window – and it already was.”

“The neighbor’s adorable newborn girl was missing, so I volunteered to dog sit for them. The next day, the dog vomited, and I knew what had happened to their daughter.”

“For long weeks I prayed fervently for hours every day for salvation, skipping meals, work, sleep, and my social life. Hillary still won.”

“I wanted to borrow my friend’s backhoe. Southern Tragedy told me she had to hose it off first.”

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60 thoughts on “Tuesday Halloween Open Comments

  1. @ the other building getting ready for testing, I saw a nice young 6 pointer, trimming the privet hedge on the corner of the building.

  2. 500 years ago today; Martin Luther & the Reformation.

    On 31 October 1517, Luther wrote to his bishop, Albrecht von Brandenburg, protesting the sale of indulgences. He enclosed in his letter a copy of his “Disputation of Martin Luther on the Power and Efficacy of Indulgences”, which came to be known as the Ninety-five Theses. Hans Hillerbrand writes that Luther had no intention of confronting the church, but saw his disputation as a scholarly objection to church practices, and the tone of the writing is accordingly “searching, rather than doctrinaire.” Hillerbrand writes that there is nevertheless an undercurrent of challenge in several of the theses, particularly in Thesis 86, which asks: “Why does the pope, whose wealth today is greater than the wealth of the richest Crassus, build the basilica of St. Peter with the money of poor believers rather than with his own money?”

  3. Got another one:

    “Mueller committed suicide last night, shooting himself twice in the back of the head. Hillary chuckled as she made another hash mark on the wall inside her closet and kicked back another highball.”

  4. ” I have a searing headache. I reached to massage the back of my head and to my horror, the back of my skull was split open.”

  5. Is the Podesta group or any of the individuals therin, going to be charged? Is any investigation going to be directed at the obvious target, Skankles? Will Trump name a genuinely INDEPENDANT prosecutor to go after the swamp? Unfortunately, I think the answer to all these questions is no.

  6. Sometimes in legislation you get closer to a goal by taking a step away. That’s what I think House Ways and Means Chairman Kevin Brady did by coming out today for a tax deduction for state and local property taxes. That looks like a step back from the goal set forth by the Trump administration and congressional Republican leaders: eliminating the deduction for state and local taxes altogether, about which I wrote last week.

    The subject there was the victory of the administration and the Republican leadership last Friday in the House passage, by a 216-212 vote, of the Senate budget resolution, which includes elimination of the state and local tax deduction. Passage means the Senate can pass such a bill with 50 Republican votes; Senate leaders don’t have to fear defections by Republican senators from the super-high-tax states (New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, California) because all those states’ senators are Democrats. However, there are 28 House Republicans from those states — more than enough, theoretically, to prevent the leadership from getting a majority for a bill eliminating the state and local tax deduction.

    I have friends paying up to $15,000 in annual property taxes on average 1,800 square foot single family homes on relatively small lots typical of houses built in northern New Jersey before WWII.

    We are paying about $9,600 in annual property taxes here so the deduction on the federal income tax return is significant.

    As Barone points out above, the point is try and get these local municipalities in the northeast to rein in their out of control spending and pension liabilities. This going to raise all kinds of hell around here. It’s going to be interesting to see how all this sorts out if it gets passed. A lot of Republicans are going to take real heat in the high tax states and maybe lose their seats over it.

  7. The sunlight through the windows woke me up and I rolled over to cuddle my girlfriend. Reaching up to stroke her face, I felt a beard.

  8. Happy Halloween, everyone! To get in the mood, I recommend the animated google doodle this morning. It is very sweet.

  9. Panting with passion at the gates of Ft. Sill, he responded to her request by checking his pockets. He’d forgotten to bring twenny bux.

  10. Texpat

    eliminating the deduction for state and local taxes altogether, about which I wrote last week.
    We are paying about $9,600 in annual property taxes here so the deduction on the federal income tax return is significant.

    I have a feeling that your situation is going to be an example of that double edged sword of any tax reform plan. You are going to catch it in the shorts either by realizing a Fed tax increase because of the removal of many of your deductions, you prolly exceed the standard deduction thresh hold. If you do realize a reduction in taxes New Joisey will snap it up in higher taxes. For years I have said, based on arguments with proponents of the penny plan and flat tax, significant tax reform will never happen. I do not hold out much hope for Trump’s postcard sized tax plan

    For the record I am a 15% flat fed tax kind of guy. No deductions, you make $100 you owe $15. Oh and everyone is subject to the flat tax….. EVERYONE. Under Trumps plan I will see an increase, but I still support it.

    I have yet to meet anyone that feels the way I do, I would gladly give up all my deductions for a simplified fair tax plan (fair = EVERYONE PAYS). Most people have a dog in the hunt in that they have some deductions or exemption that they do not want to lose. When asking if “they support” a flat tax of some sort, i always ask if they would be willing to give up there mortgage deduction or even medical bill deductions. OH the arguments I have gotten into on that point. To a man the answer was a resounding defense of their pet deduction bull I just gored. And it is for that reason (and what you pointed out above) I think the Repubs are going to cave on the Trump plan.

  11. The best tax plan IMHO is a consumption tax, 15% payable at the point of purchase. New, retail, items only and this includes new houses. Existing houses have already had the tax code built into them. Give everybody a “prebate” based on what the basics for food survival are, then tax everything at the point of sale. It is none of the gov’ts business how much money each individual citizen makes. THis way eliminates all the deductions, all the paperwork except for those involved in retail sales, and all the headaches for the overwhelming majority of We The People. It will also dramatically decrease the power in DC and remove the primary mechanism for malfeasance in Congress.

  12. Bonecrusher

    First and foremost the Fed needs to cut spending, returning programs outside of funding the military back to the states. They then balance the budget every year. Then we could truly get to Federal flat tax.

    THEN we the people could control state spending at the ballot box. Place like New Joisy and Kalifornia would be forced to lower their taxes/spending after the states are emptied out because states like Texas controls their spending. A 15% consumption tax in the states can be reachable.

  13. Panting with passion at the gates of Ft. Sill, he responded to her request by checking his pockets. He’d forgotten to bring twenny bux.

    You’ve piqued my interest. What happens next?

    Does lady luck shine down on him? A happy ending?

    Something like this…

    And as he looks to is right he can’t believe his good fortune, but there on the ground, is a twenty spot stuffed in an empty mayo jar.

  14. It’s supposed to be a two sentence horror story.

    I’m assuming that, for most men, the most horrifying thing is that she laughs at him and walks away.

  15. So I did a google search for “twenny bux”. This Wagonburner post popped up in the results. Clyde the Wonder Llama? Oh now I found it. Sarge was talking about a vacation he took in Oklahoma for twenny bux. Hmmmm I wonder if he met Cly…….. nahhhhh.

  16. Lemme try.

    Schumer awoke to the usual spittle spots dried on his chin. He hears the sound of water in his bathroom shower as San Fran Nan hauntingly sings an obscure song, loud shrieks follow–like those of a highly distressed mouse, are heard on the NY streets below.

  17. In wearing that outfit I believe MeGin is subliminally trying to tempt some very rich news mogul into grabbing her by the top hat. —$$$$$$$

    /I love the sound of Orwellian snowflake heads exploding in the morning.

  18. 14 Squawk

    No. I don’t like the system any more than you do. I’m working right now or I would say more…later.

  19. I think MeGyn is going to be a $69MILLION MISTAKE for NBC.

    /couldn’t happen to a nicer more honest bunch of folks.

  20. Phil was apprehensive about the 3 weeks of rehab ahead of him, but he was looking forward to meeting his roommate. As he stepped through the door he heard a man say “Hi, I’m Ted Cruz, and it looks like we’ll be spending some time together.”

  21. Heh–Good one Sarge. I like it.

    Tell me more. Build on it….something like..

    Phil’s apprehension grew as he looked down and saw that Ted held in his hand, a mayo stained copy of Green Eggs & Ham. And as Ted slowly began to recite the words, in his best staccato, Mr Haney voice, ‘Sam I am, yes I am, I hate green eggs and musty ham, Phil started hallucinating, looking for an escape route, as he imagined cheeto haired monkeys flying around the room.

  22. #32 bone
    They shoulda filled the tunnel full of propane & O2, then lit it.

    That way they could send the bodies back and find out where the other end is.

  23. Good late afternoon Hamsters. Rain arrived about an hour ago but now has settled in coming down steadily. All the green things can use more nitrogen to revive from the effects of Harvey. Fortunately the last of the flooring installation was yesterday when the doors and windows could be open. Much too muggy today for that.

    Presume the young’uns in the neighborhood will be off to church or school parties or to homes of friends for the early evening festivities to include Tor T if the rain stops for a bit. Got Reese’s dark chocolate pieces in case one or two come to the door, but our unbroken series of no T or T kids has already gone on for about 30 years. Do not expect it to end tonight. We love dark chocolate Reese’s pieces so they will not go to waste.

  24. Phil’s escape attempt fails as he is caught and put in a straight jacket.

    Dr Sam I am Ted puts on his white coat and injects Phil with a heavy dose of phenobarbital laced with green egg yokes. Before phil falls into a deep sleep, he hears another person in the next room, muttering over and over to himself as he clanks away on what sounds like a pc keyboard,…’we could of elected a true Con-servative but instead we got a ferret haired, orange skinned Cheeto reject.’

    Phil falls asleep due to the injection and has one hellacious nightmare of Dr Ted singing this song dressed and sounding just like Mr Haney.

  25. Texpat has a new addition to his herd. A newborn, cute little heifer named Adeline arriving at 7 lbs. 4 ozs. this afternoon. The lead cow of the herd is most happy.

    Odds are she will end up being called Adee.

  26. I actually exercised today. I found some workout videos on Roku. Dang, those leg ones were….challenging, even after I modified them. I sat some of ’em out. Then I found some ab workout videos. I put on the first one and watched her demonstrate what we’d be doing.

    “Yeah, like THAT’S gonna happen!” I said as I started clicking to find another one.

    I did find one, and did my best without overdoing. Then I found a dance workout, and again had to modify it. Then I went and did some hang time.

    It was good to get moving again, even though I’m not in my best form.

  27. Does anybody else react to this Joc Pederson like I do ? When I see him, I just want to bitch slap him in the face. His arrogance just has that sort of effect on me.

    Or maybe I’m totally misreading the guy.

  28. He was the first batter in this series to start calling time when the pitcher was half way through his motion. This is a family blog or I’d say what I’d like to do to him.
    Nuff to say it involves my Red Wing covered foot.

  29. I just saw where Minute Maid park is packed with fans, and the game’s not even being played there.

    Compare that to the NFL stadiums lately.

  30. #48 Tedtam, A guy at work was taking his boys to the Park to watch the game and he mentioned that the tickets were free, first come, first served, all you had to do was down-load them. I thought that this was real neat, what they did, of course he said that they’d make out on the beer, dawgs and nachos, but I still think it was a nice gesture. Oh and by 3 PM they were sold out!

  31. The Dodger manager has all my respect for getting his young team to the Series, but his strategy of pulling one pitcher after another baffles me. He’s done this for at least 2 (3 ?) games in a row now.

  32. Texpat
    It is all about the new computer era in sports. Big Data & Analytics. There are guys on each team whose soul job is to input stats and decide who is best for each situation. The “data & analytics” has shown the Dodgers coach that is best to run through the bull pen. My Kalifornia cousin says he has been doing that all year.

  33. As phil’s subconscious fights to pull him out of his Dr Sam I am Ted, phenobarbital induced nightmare, he slowly starts to dream an aesthetically pleasing dream. In the dream he sees an angelic nurse, one that looks much like the beautiful Monica Bellucci.

    She’s dressed in a seductive white dress and her legs are adorned in white fishnet hose, she’s calling phil to come nearer,…but….

  34. as phil draws nearer, she morphs into some sort of a giant, hairy, mutated spider. One that resembles the dreaded cloven-footed she-beast and the legend of the screaming squaclaw of Massataw, complete with 8 legs and 8 eyes.

  35. Good All Saints Day morning Hamsters.

    Our 30-years long string of no T or T kiddies on Halloween night remains unbroken, but then the rainy conditions likely would have made a change of plans for many planning on making the rounds in city neighborhoods. Homes here are too far apart, and we have no street lights, only yard lights around the houses. Not a loot effective territory to bother with when city-size density produces so much more for the effort.

    Sadly, the Astros trek through Sleepy Hollow last night was mostly fright and frustration with no reward. Always the hard way it seems.

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