Wednesday Caption Contest Open Comments

Let’s see what you people can come up with for captions to this picture of our hyper-intelligent President.

h/t: bonecrusher

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96 thoughts on “Wednesday Caption Contest Open Comments

  1. No, its not a hole. Its more like a deep depression. Did I say depression? I meant to say its more like a recovery. Yah, that’s it.

  2. … so the lady sez “I’ve never been so insulted!” and the kid keeps goin’ “ook ook ook”

    Then the conductor tells her “Relax, we’ll make things right. In the meantime, can we get your monkey a banana?”

  3. “Maybe a little brain massage will stimulate some intelligent thought. Just give me a minute, okay?”

    “Those kids brought home a little more than homework from school, if you know what I mean.”

    “Just looking for my “on” button.”

    “Don’t mind me, I’m just giving my super secret hand signal to my rich friends that what I say doesn’t apply to them. I have to reassure them so I can continue to get campaign contributions.”

    “Just tightening the screw that keeps my butt from falling off.”

    “Excuse me, I’m just adjusting my internal antenna so that I can continue to receive my instructions from Soros.”

  4. Best joke of the day:

    Obama says ‘better ideas’ will win him re-election
    Sep 20 10:04 PM US/Eastern
    By JULIE PACE
    Associated Press

    NEW YORK (AP) – President Barack Obama says he intends to win the 2012 election because he’s got “better ideas.”

    Speaking at a fundraiser Tuesday night for his re-election campaign, Obama said his ideas are based on the notion that Americans should share in the nation’s burdens and successes.

    First lady Michelle Obama introduced her husband at the 400-person event at New York’s Gotham Hall and urged his supporters to “have his back.”

    Tickets for the event ranged in price between $2,500 and $35,800 a person, the legal maximum. The money goes to Obama’s re-election campaign and the Democratic National Committee.

    Copyright 2011 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

  5. You guys are giving Robert M a run for his money (metaphorically speaking) this morning. TT has some good ‘uns!

  6. #10 OTL

    Copyright 2011 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

    Uh oh, Ole Timer, Attorney General Stedman will be looking for you now.

    Uh oh, and me too…

  7. Obama is determined to help the unemployed because it looks more and more likely that in a year he’ll be one of them.

  8. *Wanna see my Curious George impression?
    *Wanna see my Karnak the Dipstick impression?
    *and in a second I’m gonna rub my stomach at the same time!
    *who yo callin stoooooooooooooooooopid you *%%&
    * . . . . .jobs?!? in the wissin private sector, are you kidding me??

  9. I sure am glad that this is a settled science.

    World Atlas ice loss claim exaggerated: scientists
    By Nina Chestney

    LONDON | Mon Sep 19, 2011 3:27pm EDT

    (Reuters) – The Times Atlas of the World exaggerated the rate of Greenland’s ice loss in its thirteenth edition last week, scientists said on Monday.

    The atlas, published by HarperCollins, showed that Greenland lost 15 percent of its ice cover over the past 12 years, based on information from the National Snow and Ice Data Center in Colorado in the United States. The Greenland ice sheet is the second biggest in the world and significant shrinking could lead to a global rise in sea levels. “While global warming has played a role in this reduction, it is also as a result of the much more accurate data and in-depth research that is now available,” HarperCollins said on its website on Monday.

    However, a number of scientists disputed the claim.

    “We believe that the figure of a 15 percent decrease in permanent ice cover since the publication of the previous atlas 12 years (ago) is both incorrect and misleading,” said Poul Christoffersen, glaciologist at the Scott Polar Research Institute (SPRI) at the University of Cambridge. “We concluded that a sizable portion of the area mapped as ice-free in the Atlas is clearly still ice-covered.”

    Other scientists agreed.

    “These new maps are ridiculously off base, way exaggerated relative to the reality of rapid change in Greenland,” said Jeffrey S. Kargel, senior research scientist at the University of Arizona.

    The Times Atlas suggested the Greenland ice sheet has lost 300,000 square kilometers in the past 12 years, at a rate of 1.5 percent per year.

    However, measurements suggest this rate is at least 10 times faster than in reality, added J. Graham Cogley, Professor of Geography at Trent University, Ontario, Canada.

    “It could easily be 20 times too fast and might well be 50 times too fast,” he added.

    Last year, a U.N. committee of climate scientists came under fire for bungling a forecast of when Himalayan glaciers would thaw.

    The panel’s 2007 report, the main guide for governments in fighting climate change, included an incorrect projection that all Himalayan glaciers could vanish by 2035, hundreds of years earlier than scientists’ projections.

    http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/09/19/us-atlas-ice-idUSTRE78I4UG20110919?feedType=RSS&feedName=environmentNews&rpc=22&sp=true

  10. A new study shows that more money is spent on breast implants and Viagra than is spent on Alzheimer’s Disease research.

    By the year 2030, there will be a large number of people wandering around with huge breasts and erections who can’t remember what to do with them.

  11. *. . . .and when I press this button my ears will get REALLY BIG
    * You want me to shove this microphone where?!?
    * Wait a minute, I think I had an original thought in there somewhere, now where did I put it?
    * You want me to IMPROVE THE ECONOMY?? boy, did I get that one wrong

  12. “♫ I could wile away the hours
    Conferrin’ with the flowers
    Consultin’ with the rain
    And my head I’d be scratchin’
    While my thoughts were busy hatchin’
    If I only had a brain. ♫”

  13. #20 Bonecrusher that was great!!

    He’s easier to get along with than a girl friend and a little less expensive. :grin:

  14. Quote of the week or month:

    “I think the president has become a pyromaniac in a field of straw men. I think what he wants to do is set up those of us on the other side of the aisle as some caricature and assign policies to us that we don’t have and then defeat those arguments.”
    /Paul Ryan

  15. The PP humps the hound one more time.
    from the comments section:

    I’m sure the fellow next to him is happy his face was blocked but Barrack never was much on manners. Ask the Queen of England

  16. #36 Pyro: from the comments section of your linkie:

    LaTosha Stanfield · Owner/Creator at Slowed N Throwed
    You all are JEALOUS of Black People and all of you will rot in hell. I hope to GOD that I SOUND racists, because I do not like WHITEY.

    There was no criticism of the above comment all the way to the end of the string. Is it because no one wanted to feed the troll or because they were afraid to confront the racist VSR for what she is?
    The way I see it, one rule, one standard for everybody. Racist behavior from anybody is supposed to be wrong regardless of your skin color.
    I really despise double standards; like the black/white double standard; like the expectation of integrity from Rs where there is none expected from Ds and the Rs get chastised for it; like the excoriation Israel receives from defending itself from constant palestenian aggression and none against the palestenians for the rockets and suicide bombings.

  17. #39 M42: Kinda makes you wanna plant cactus and rocks doesn’t it?

    I’ve never planted rocks. Do they require special fertilizer? Do they produce fruit or other edible parts? Are they difficult to grow?

  18. This puts a new spin on “paying the piper” — my water bill. Amount Due: $161.41

    Ding, Ding, Ding,…we have a winner, totally blew away my $155.57 water bill!…. Don Pardo, tell the Iron Lady what she’s won. :wink:

  19. #44 Bonecrusher, the very first fish that I caught in Texas was mullet that jumped into my little Glastron. He hit me from behind on my left shoulder and headed further to the bow/portside and landed in my wife’s lap, She gave him the Co-Pilot’s seat, screaming and kicking. :grin:

  20. about the fishin video: I think it would be a hoot to get on a deck boat with a net on a pole and see how many you could catch in the air. It would also be really fun to see how many you could hit with a shotgun. It doesn’t look like they are depleted in numbers in any way.

  21. Rick Perry:

    Simply put, we would not be here today at the precipice of such a dangerous move [creation of a "Palestinian" state at the UN] if the Obama Policy in the Middle East wasn’t naïve, arrogant, misguided and dangerous.

    It is vitally important for America to preserve alliances with moderate Muslim regimes and Muslim leaders who seek to preserve peace and stability in the region. But today, neither adversaries nor allies alike, know where America stands.

    First comment:

    Sounds like something conspicuously absent from the current administration: Leadership…from the front.

  22. #42 – I got a crisp new $50 that says you only saw TWO of that cutie’s “ten positive Perry points”

    (and she did NOT say either of the 2!!!)

    :)

  23. Caroline Glick, once again, nails it.

    As one Defense Ministry senior official told the paper, “It is important that we retain financial stability, even after their unilateral moves. Stopping money transfers could lead to a financial crisis which could lead to a violent escalation.”

    In other words, the Defense Ministry argues that if the donor countries stop paying off the Palestinian militias – including the US-trained and funded Palestinian army – then their supposedly moderate forces will turn to the terror business to support themselves.

    Aside from being strategically insane, this position bespeaks an unjustifiable unwillingness on the part of the leftist-dominated Defense Ministry to understand the basic nature of the Palestinian cause and what it requires from Israel.

    Since the IDF and the Foreign Ministry and the rest of the government bureaucracy embraced the PLO as Israel’s “peace partner” 18 years ago, they have been operating on the assumption that the PLO and its spinoffs – Fatah and the PA – are interested in reaching a peace deal with Israel. But this has never been the case.

    In palestenian textbooks they refuse to acknowledge the State of Israel, they constantly preach “death to Israel” the destruction of Israel is still in the palestenian charter. The very idea that the pal’s want peace with Israel is ludicrous in the extreme. How long must we and Israel support the enemies of freedom with our tax dollars? How long must we and Israel support a group of terrorists with our tax dollars whose sole purpose in life is to kill Jews?
    One would reasonably think that the first wissin thing that the US and Israel should require from the pal’s for any support whatsoever is the recognition of the right of Israel to exist; both in English and in Arabic publicly and frequently and include this in the textbooks. If that does not happen and the status quo remains unchanged (death to Israel) then the pal’s make themselves a clear and present danger to Israel and they should be wiped out!

  24. Finally, something I can work with. The subject matter makes it easy. Here is my “Top Ten” list of captions for this picture:

    1) “Who put that joke about me on my teleprompter?”

    2) “There won’t be any questions answered until someone turns my teleprompter back on.”

    3) “Just give me four more years and this country will really be screwed up.”

    4) “Why aren’t the rest of you millionaires and billionaires doing like Warren and wanting to give the me more money to waste? I mean spend.”

    5) “What kind of Robin Hood would I be if I didn’t rob from all the rich people?”

    6) “I know you people are secretly trying to get me off the 2012 ticket.”

    7) “I want to thank my teleprompter. It made me the man that I am today.”

    8) “Moochelle couldn’t be with you all right now. She’s still eating her french fries.”

    9) “You people are ungrateful. I’m trying to bring you socialism and you don’t seem to appreciate it.”

    10) “Let me see if I can figure this out without my teleprompter. Nope, I’m at a loss for words, sorry.”

    There that should do it. Enjoy!!!

  25. 1) “Who put that joke about me on my teleprompter?”

    He wouldn’t notice until after he had read it. He’s successfully read in-line comments from teh speechwriters a couple of times.

  26. This is too easy a subject to write captions for, so here is the next “Top Ten” list:

    1) “Oh crap, there are different answers on each of my teleprompters.”

    2) “My teleprompter went blank so therefore my brain went blank, too.”

    3) “If you don’t help me pass this bill, your entitlements will be cut off.”

    4) “Yeah, I love you, too but it’s your money that I really love!!!”

    5) “I’m going to play the ‘class warfare’ card, first. If that fails I’ll play the ‘race’ card, next.”

    6) “I don’t know anything about Solyndra. It’s Rahm Emanuel’s fault.”

    7) “When I was talking about ‘green’ energy, I meant money.”

    8) “The Republicans are in no position to negotiate when I’m the dictator.”

    9) “Have I beaten out Jimmy Carter, yet, for being the worst president in history?”

    10) “Let’s see if this has any staying power, ‘It’s George Bush’s fault.’, does it?”

    See I told you it was easy when the subject is easy to write for.

  27. Have you people found a caption you liked, yet? Let me try again to write something you all might like. Here is another “Top Ten” list of captions:

    31) “No, ‘ONE’ is not my IQ!!!!

    32) “Damn, I wish I knew the answer to that question. Come on teleprompter, don’t fail me now.”

    33) “Please help me out, I don’t want to become one of you all in Nov. 2012.”

    34) “What do you mean ABO is ahead of me in the polls?”

    35) “I’ll have to throw my Palestinian brothers under the bus to save the Jew’s votes and especially their money.”

    36) “Let me see if I can ad-lib an answer that you’ll like.”

    37) “I want you to know that you people are keeping me from playing golf.”

    38) “Yeah, that bird dropping hit me right here.”

    39) “What do I have to be depressed about?”

    40) “I should have ‘Vince Foster’ed Hillary when I had the chance.”

    There, see if there is one you like in any of my lists. And, I’m telling you it was way to easy to write these lists. And I hope you all got No. 31, it’s actually my favorite. I’m glad I came up with it.

  28. Wb: When I was in the north west on my tour, many places charged for ketchup. 25 cents a packet. I chose to go without.

  29. What wonderful imagery:

    It’s nearly impossible to receive a death sentence these days — unless you do something completely crazy like shoot a cop in full view of dozens of witnesses in a Burger King parking lot, only a few hours after shooting at a passing car while exiting a party.

    That’s what Troy Davis did in August 1989. Davis is the media’s current baby seal of death row.

    After a two-week trial with 34 witnesses for the state and six witnesses for the defense, the jury of seven blacks and five whites took less than two hours to convict Davis of Officer Mark MacPhail’s murder, as well as various other crimes. Two days later, the jury sentenced Davis to death.

    Now, a brisk 22 years after Davis murdered Officer MacPhail, his sentence will finally be administered this week — barring any more of the legal shenanigans that have kept taxpayers on the hook for Davis’ room and board for the past two decades.

  30. #58 – oh GEEZ……………………………..A N Y O N E that might find a SIMPLE (as they are now) ketchup p/c packet difficult to operate(?!?!?) – I don’t want those folks ANYWHERE near me – they’d likely suck out the 2 remaining functioning brain cells I have left!!

    Ya simply roll the darn thing like a toothpaste tube – VOILA

    So where’s my NASA application?

    :)

  31. Besides…………………WHATABURGER has had excellent ketchup packets for DECADES……………….

    I’m not a big fan of ketchup, I only use it on fries and not always. There NO SUCH THANG as a burger or hot dog with ketchup! Unless you’re a yankee. Also no Mayo on fries! That said, my huntin’ buddy once told me that Whataburger had the best ketchup on the planet, not being a ketchup freak, I’d never given it much thought, but dang dammit he’s right! Their ketchup is the BEST! I don’t know why they don’t sell it in stores.
    FWIW; Whataburger has the best “chain store burger” with Hardy’s a close second. Wendy’s good, Burger King Sux and Ronald Mc Donald’s,…what can I say even “Small Back-Up Dawg don’t like them. :wink:

  32. #51 KatFish, #52 Wagonburner and #54 Bonecrusher,….Simple would like this; yesterday my Huntin’ Buddy walked down to talk to me about going to the Deer lease this Saturday and the TV was on in the den on Ch 12. I almost never watch the local news but my wife had left it on and I commented about how sexy I thought Dominique Sachse was, he agreed and mentioned the traffic Gal on 12 in the morning, I don’t remember her name, and I told him that the only tiem I watch local news is in the morning when I’m’ getting ready to go to work and I started watching 12 because of her and he said, “dang you drive 3 miles to work and watch her, what does your wife think about that?” :grin:
    Yup, guys are animals! BUTT we’re both married me 36 years and him 25 and we’d never stray. We’re just wired this way.

  33. Belgian pommes frites will make you weep with joy when they’re accompanied with la sauce mayonnaise.

    Only a true philistine would put ketchup on them.

  34. Would it be racist if my caption would be a monkey chirping “OoOoOo AhAhAh”?

    I’d offer the same caption under Geroge W. I promise.

  35. Dave,

    I still wake up early in the morning to see what my traffic gal Jennifer is wearing. Check me for a pulse if I ever quit looking at beautiful women. I too am wired that way.

    I am also faithful. Ms Simple is my best friend in the world. She has stuck thru tough times with me when lesser women would have bailed; I could not betray her. Of course my old 6-Iron under her side of the bed does enter into that logic.

    Simple

  36. To All,

    I like Cholula Hot Sauce on my fries, but a spritz of white vinegar isn’t bad.

    Now I am thinking about some Fish and Chips. Hot and wrapped in the editorial section
    of the Boston Globe. Now that is eating.

    Simple

  37. If it wasn’t for fries and meatloaf, we wouldn’t even buy ketchup.

    It takes a real weirdo like Squawk or WB to put mayo on fries. :)

  38. #65 Katfishy

    Ya simply roll the darn thing like a toothpaste tube – VOILA

    Yabbut how do I take the cap off of a ketchup packet?

  39. #76 –

    Yabbut how do I take the cap off of a ketchup packet?

    Umm tear down then out – OR in then UP – it really is 2 separate ‘tears’ – that’s the ticket!

  40. Simple

    I am also faithful. Ms Simple is my best friend in the world. She has stuck thru tough times with me when lesser women would have bailed; I could not betray her.

    Amen, Brother, my Daddy didn’t really like my bride when we got married, I’m not sure why, but in the summer of 1979, (married 4 years), I contracted “Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever” and Dang near died. While I was in the Hospital, (13 days) she spent every night with me, the nurses got her a cot to put in my private room (they twernt sure that I wasn’t contagious). She got up @ 5 every morning to drive 9 miles to our house, shower, and feed the three Dawgs and two cats and then head to work. When she got off at 5:30 she went home to take care of the critters, grab some grub and then come to see me. I didn’t want to bother my folks so they had no idea that I was in the hospital until my blood pressure fell through the floor and the doctors told my wife that she might want to call the family just in case I didn’t make it. She, bless her heart, asked me first and I could tell that she was just worn out and I felt guilty so we called her “mother-in-law from hell “ and my Dad. When they got there, my Dad couldn’t believe how much my wife cared about me and She instantly became his second Daughter. Did I ever tell you that I am Blessed? Add to that, I don’t really deserve it!

  41. Simple

    Of course my old 6-Iron under her side of the bed # 12 Cast iron Skillet & her little 38 does enter into that logic.

  42. Well “Iron Mary Cash” LQQks like ole “Bloody Davy Roberts” been done kilt the blog again…..Crap! :wink:

  43. S’okay Dave, there is no predicting the traffic on The Couch.

    I’ll bet not one of you other Hamsters have ever received an email from the owner of the management company used by your HOA, on a Monday morning at 8 a.m., saying he was shutting down the company effective immediately, and would have our records delivered to us by the end of the month. So that’s how my week is going.

  44. Bonecrusher;

    #70 Darren: see my #16 above:>)

    Piggybacking on your reply yesterday to Tedtam and mharper point out to you that the philosopher was Descarte, I’ll just say, “yeah, that monkey”. ;)

  45. Hamous #75;

    To answer your question anyway, that would be “no” and neither would his crime have been darker or more sinister. Crimes against God’s children are all hateful, regardless of what the laws of the land say.

  46. #82 mharper42

    S’okay Dave, there is no predicting the traffic on The Couch.

    I’ll bet not one of you other Hamsters have ever received an email from the owner of the management company used by your HOA, on a Monday morning at 8 a.m., saying he was shutting down the company effective immediately, and would have our records delivered to us by the end of the month. So that’s how my week is going.

    I’d say turn lemons into lemonade, you work your rear end off to get the HOA back up and running and get big buck$ for it. Am I wrong, isn’t this a chance to shine?
    PSSST….I know someone who has been doing this for about a year…..She aint afraid :wink:

  47. Well, my class roster is up to 31 students (still way shy of last year’s 50+). All three of my helpers had somewhere else they needed to be, so my office helper volunteered to come and help. She said she’s been dying to come to my class for several weeks now, after hearing me talk about it and listening as we’ve run several errands together. She said she wants to come again, and two other women showed up to help out. They want to be regular helpers.

    So, now I’ve got 31 students, with maybe a few more coming, and five or six helpers. I’m used to having 45+ students and two or three helpers. I think we’ll be able to manage to control the horde this year, if this ratio holds.

    I may not know what to do, leaving the classroom relatively stress free!

  48. #83 Darren

    the philosopher was Descarte, I’ll just say, “yeah, that monkey”.

    Strictly speaking, Descartes was a frog.

  49. #86 Dave
    I’ve seen enough HOA’ing to know that using a management company is the only way for a board filled with people who work and have lives and families to keep the neighborhood wheels turning. Management by retirees, now that might be a different matter…

  50. TT;

    Well, my class roster is up to 31 students (still way shy of last year’s 50+

    Can I enroll? I promise to ask a lot of good questions. :)

    And good luck

  51. A city councilman in San Juan Capistrano, California, has come under fire by Muslims and local council members alike for naming his dog Muhammad and later announcing it during a city council meeting. Councilman Derek Reeve is not backing down, however, stating on Tuesday that the decision to name his dog Muhammad was not meant to be offensive but was rather abut his family exercising their freedom of speech.

    Reminds me of THIS.

    This is what Reeves said to SJC Patch:

    Patch adds:

    “We are in a position of authority. It’s important we choose our words wisely,” Kramer said. “I hope the council will say this kind of speech is not OK.”

    Kramer asked the council to discuss its standards of conduct and to rewrite its rules on decorum—requests that went unfulfilled.

    Reeve, commenting on the 45-minute discussion that ensued with comments from the public, said, “What’s most offensive [to me] is that we’re not talking about anything important. We’re talking about my damned dog.”

    Here, here. (Or is that “hear, hear”).

    City Councilman Defends Naming His Dog ‘Muhammad’

  52. Let me get this straight. It’s ok to dip a crucifix in urine, smear feces on a statue of the Madonna, and make vulgar remarks about Christians in general, all under the protection of freedom of speech. However, this man names his dog “Mohammed” and it is in appropriate? How is it any different from what has been done to Christianity? Is it because Christians do not fly air planes into sky scrapers, or place explosives on their children and blow them up in crowded buses? I’m just wondering.

    Inquiring post by Postolic.

  53. From Soul Leister:

    Didn‘t NBC’s Brian Williams make a big deal about the spelling of god is dog backwards, during the nightly news just a couple months ago??? So Mohammad backwards would be dam-mahom (sounds like damn my home)… that should be okay too (according to the liberals like Williams). Funny story Mohammad has “HAM” in the middle just like the sandwich… hehehe (what will they complain about next?).

    LOL!

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