Since Obama’s latest Important Political Speech, there has been much wrangling over the most recent “Jobs Bill”. He’s asking for around $447 billion in order to:
- Extend unemployment beyond the almost 2 years already done
- Throw together some job-retraining stuff
- Fund some
shovel-readyinfrastructure projects - Provide some employment incentives
- Extend a payroll tax holiday
- Other stuff
This is great in theory, but how much of all this does our $447 billion buy? If it would enable the creation of 20 million legitimate and permanent private sector jobs, most would look at it as a bargain. We all know that will not happen. The proponents claim that we just have to do something. Those against say we might as well throw the money into the street and set it on fire (but not in Texas! there’s enough stuff burning here already).
Fortunately for us all, intrepid reporters and other journalist-type people at the New York Times have come up with a couple of estimates for the number of jobs this stimulus the “jobs bill” will create. Their estimates range from 100,000 to 165,000 jobs per month over the next year or so. That would mean a range of 1.2 million to about 2 million over a year’s time.
Let’s be optimistic.
If 2 million jobs (that sounds like a lot, no?) were to be created, we would be spending a smidgen less than a quarter of a million dollars per job. That’s not much of a bargain.
Fortunately, it looks like the bill will have a very difficult time making it through the House (which would be expected).
House Speaker John Boehner offered little more endorsement than that it “merited consideration,” while a top Senate Republican, echoing others in his party, dismissed it as more of Obama’s “tired agenda.”
Meanwhile, Democrats in the Senate are barking about it as well.
As he demands Congress quickly approve his ambitious proposal aimed at reviving the sagging economy, many Democrats on Capitol Hill appear far from sold that the president has the right antidote to spur major job growth and turn around their party’s political fortunes.
“Terrible,” Sen. Jim Webb (D-Va.) told POLITICO when asked about the president’s ideas for how to pay for the $450 billion price tag. “We shouldn’t increase taxes on ordinary income. … There are other ways to get there.”
“That offset is not going to fly, and he should know that,” said Democratic Sen. Mary Landrieu from the energy-producing Louisiana, referring to Obama’s elimination of oil and gas subsidies. “Maybe it’s just for his election, which I hope isn’t the case.”
Obama just can’t get anyone to show him the love anymore. In fact, he’s now been reduced to begging for it from a bunch of university students.
“Every single one of you can help make this bill a reality,” the president called out at a hot and noisy rally at North Carolina State University.
Someone in the crowd yelled out, “I love you!”
“If you love me you got to help me pass this bill,” the president responded.
You really need to hear the audio to get a feel for how pathetic he is getting.
Meanwhile, we all know that what it takes to get the economy going is practically free.
Never forget that this creep knows exactly what he is doing (or whoever is pulling his strings knows what they are doing) in order to try to finish the nation off before his first (and presumably only) term is over. He is not stupid, and in fact, he considers his Presidency to be a resounding success considering the mission that he is on. He has socialized our only remaining manufacturing businesses (autos), gotten control of the banks, student loan volume outstanding now exceed all credit card debt, debased the currency, socialized medicine, crushed the economy, crushed employment opportunities, and smashed the housing industry, just to name a few of his accomplishments.
All in all, not bad for just over 2 years in office.
Levi’s unveils what appear to be the world’s oldest pair of Mom Jeans.
Good morning, Hamsters. Good to be osting-pay in ormal-nay anguage-lay again!
So it’s “Pig Latin” day?
Mornin’ Gang
Wild-assed flight from Hawaii to LA lands safely.
Lady Gaga working the nursing homes in….
… the Florida of Florida – Pinellas County.
Gamer Geeks Give Giant boost to Gene Game
So I guess those video games are not simply a complete waste of time afterall.
Schumer: Tax the Rich, Just Not My Rich
hypocrite bastard
#8 Pyro: The hubris and hypocrisy of the LIB-VSRs knows no bounds. The article to which you linked is all the evidence one needs to purge anyone who claims to be a “progressive” from govt as they are incapable of sound thought.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one tells the bartender he wants a beer. The second one says he wants half a beer. The third one says he wants a fourth of a beer. The bartender puts two beers on the bar and says “You guys need to learn your limits.”
#10 Pyro: That approaches humor.
#10 Pyro
Unexpectedly.
At least to the Gorites.
I love math jokes.
That reminds me of this joke:
There are two nuns. One of them is known as Sister Mathematical (SM) and the other one is known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are walking down a dark road, still far
away from the convent.
SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.
SL: Its logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most. What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
SM: It’s not working.
SL: Of course it is not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I’ll go this way. He cannot follow us both.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried what has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrives.
SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn’t follow us both, so he followed me.
SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.
SM: And?
SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.
SM: What did you do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn’t it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down….
(And those of you who thought it would be dirty, pray for your souls)
#11 Bones
It is dry humor.
Geeks. Reminds me of a Rice cheer I heard at a Rice-Houston game years ago: Repel them! Repel them! Induce them to relinquish the spheroid!
A farmer noticed that his chickens were sick, and called in a biologist, a chemist, and a physicist to help diagnose the problem. The biologist observed the chickens, concluding, “I can tell you there’s something wrong with your chickens, but I don’t know what’s causing it.” The chemist took fluid samples from the chickens back to his lab, and returned saying, “I can tell you what’s infecting your chickens, but I don’t know how they got it.” Meanwhile, the physicist had been sitting on the floor, scribbling madly on several notebooks worth of paper. Suddenly, he jumped up, exclaiming, “I have the answer, but it only works for spherical chickens in a vacuum.”
#16 M42: It approaches humor asymtoptotically speaking. The corollary to the story:
The professor is attempting to explain the mathematical concept of the asymptote to his students. He says ‘you see a pretty girl across the school yard and in the first minute, you cut the distance between you in half, the next minute half again and so on. Mathematically you will never reach her, but you will get close enough to get her phone number.’
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Issac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest, chickens in motion tend to cross roads.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends on your frame of reference.
Heisenberg is out for a drive when he’s stopped by a traffic cop.
The cop says ‘Do you know how fast you were going?’
Heisenberg says ‘No, but I know where I am.’
A woman told the vet that something was wrong with her dog. He examined the animal and told her the dog was dead.
“I don’t believe you”, she said, “I’d like a second opinion”
The vet said that would be fine. He went into the other room and got a cat. He put the cat up on the table with the dog. The cat sniffed the dog and jumped down. The vet then got a black lab, put him on the table and the lab sniffed and jumped down.
The vet tells the lady again, “I’m sorry, but your dog is definitely dead. That will be $600 for the exam.”
“$600 is ridiculous, what are the charges for?” she exclaimed.
“$600 is a bargain,” the vet explained. “$50 for me and only $550 for the cat scan and lab work.”
#23 wagon, Coornny!
Sarte walks into a bar and orders a glass of whiskey. The bartender asks if he wants water in his whiskey and he states emphatically “I THINK NOT” then he instantly disappears.
. . . . . . .I think, therefore, I am.
#17 Hammy: ;>)
Italians jump the shark.
Dude. You live in a city known for earthquakes:
#25 bone
I think you mean Rene Descartes.
#29 Yeah that guy.
#28 Hammy: from your linkie:
Perhaps one of the best puns in history.
Guy walks into a Men’s Room. Says “Hi. Pot in use?” Guy in the stall says “Can’t you read the sine?”
from my inbox:
When one looks at THE FACTS and then listens to the LSM, one can’t help but see a disconnect.
#32 Sarge
#32 Sarge: I’m kinda having a hard time getting the angle on your joke.
You need to hum a tune while reading it.
It takes a certain kind of rhithm to understand.
A logarithm to be precise.
I think I have had all the punishment I can take for a while; I’m off to lunch.
Have some pi for dessert.
Pi R round yanno………………………
I have a math joke!
It was my calculus professor in college. His name was Dr. Rogers. I refused to honor his degree, and when not in class I referred to him as “Mr. Rogers”. The name fit.
I remember him working differential equations, and starting the lesson by writing the word “something” and then drawing the divisor line, as in “We have something over….” Then he’d work out the problem and draw a happy face at the end. Then he’d correct himself by saying “This only works if we have something nice, like not a zero, on the top” and then he wrote the word “nice” next to the word “something”.
That man couldn’t make a decent test to save his life.
I was dreading calculus, as math is not my strong suit. I was amazed that I was understanding the concepts, but his tests wissed big time. I wasn’t the only one – over half the class was failing, and having the same experience that I was having. After the third test, he closed office hours. By the end of the course, the man was dang near close to getting himself lynched. It’s frustrating enough to not understand the subject matter and fail tests, it’s even more so to understand the stuff and still fail the tests.
I’m ashamed to say that when I received my “D” in that class, I took it and ran. It dragged down my GPA, but it was passing, and I did not want to endure that torture again. At least I passed…
Now you’re going off on a tangent.
Well I doubt that this willl get any traction; Issa to launch probe of Obama actions on Solyndra, LightSquared.
But, hey, it’s a start.
#42 SuperDeeeeeee
At least it’ll make it slightly harder for the MSM to ignore it.
A round pi should be squared.
Sined,
the wagonburner
Some of these puns are getting obtuse.
They’re giving me an acute headache.
#19 Bones
Thanks for the explication. I’ve heard the boys & girls example but wouldn’t have realized you intended to apply that concept to the 2 guys in the bar without you pointing it out. I am often the dimmest bulb in the chandelier.
#22 Pyro
My favorite in this batch.
#25 Bones
That was Descartes, not Sartre.
#47 M42: Don’t put yourself down; what you witnessed was a full fledged geek out. Dry doesn’t even begin to describe the “humor”, arid, devoid of moisture, desiccated, parched etc.
#49 M42: yeah, that dude.
#50 Bones
I thought my use of “dry” was mildly humorous itself, applied to a joke about drinking.
I wonder if the “mother” of this child is collecting afdc, welfare, etc?
Just watched Perry in New York. He just b*tched slapped Obama on his stance on Isreal.
Kapow!
““We are indignant that certain Middle Eastern leaders have discarded the principle of direct negotiations between the sovereign nation of Israel and the Palestinian leadership,” Perry said in excerpts provided by one of his aides to The Associated Press. “And we are equally indignant that the Obama administration’s Middle East policy of appeasement has encouraged such an ominous act of bad faith.”
http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2011/sep/20/gop-candidates/-perry-and-romney-assail-obama-israe/
h/t Drudge
The PP (petulant person – let’s keep it a little cleaner – wb) has lost the AwissinP as one of his cheerleaders!
Lemme get this straight:
1) The Rs are opposed to everything The PP stands for
2) The LIBVSRs are furious at him because
a) he is not going left enough and
b) the lefter he goes the worse things get
3) The LSM is starting to point out the fallacy of his lame-azzed arguments
4) None of his positive predictions of his actions have become reality
5) All of the negative predictions of his actions have become reality
. . . . . .and he thinks:
1) he has a chance at re-election
2) the Ds may regain control of the house
3) the Ds will strengthen in the senate
4) any of his ideas will have any positive effect on the economy, our standing in the world, our security or the security of anyone?
BWAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Another Rice football cheer:
Secant, tangent, cosine, sine
Three point one four one five nine
#57 El Gordo
Wow. In high school all we had was:
Block that punt!
Block that pass!
Knock that quarterback
On his (look nonchalantly around as the band director pops up and glares at us)
OR:
Nuts and bolts!
Nuts and bolts!
We’ve — been — screwed!
Ah, those good ol’ days….
This makes me so sad.
NOT.
Kick em in the left knee
Kick em in the right knee
Kick em in the weeeee neeeeee
eeeed touchdown
.
.
.
Rah rah ree
Kick em in the knee
Rah rah rass
Kick em in the other knee
I received a form I am required to fill out asking about our use of “green technology” at our office.
We go to our client’s site and dig holes. We lay pipe and hook up meters. Not a big opportunity to get all touchy-feely. I really don’t want to mess with the survey, but if I don’t, they’ll start harassing me in about a month.
Maybe I should tell them we are green, because we recycle the bodies of our deadbeat clients at the bottom of the holes we dig.
Nah, then they’ll come after us for environmental pollution.
I’m observing a trial this afternoon. I got nailed for jury duty, and almost got picked.
The guy was charged with doing 82 in a 65 on the Westpark Tollway and he decided he had to have his jury trial, so he gets an ambulance chaser so he can get out of a $200 (max) ticket. Getting out of the ticket has got to be costing him more than the fine. He’s got at least a day of fees for the lawyer. Wonder what else is going on?
Is 82 too much for automatic defensive driving? I know you can ask the judge for it if you don’t qualify for the automatic.
I think he’s guilty. I’d also give him the max fine.
#62 – As an occasional expert of speed “opinions” (aka legal limits
) – as I recall ……….provided you have no moving violations in the past 2 years AND your alleged speed was NOT more than 25mph above the local “suggested speed”…………you may qualify for the online defensive driving class………….
p.s. the various “fees” (i.e. seeking Judge’s “permission” to take the class and the class fee usually come very CLOSE to the actual fine (you only come out ahead keeping points off of your record…….)
Right. But throw in a lawyer for a day and it’s gotta add up to lots more than the DD class etc. It’s gotta be lots more than the fine.
Super conferences deserve Superhero names.
Most of the speed limits (actually casual suggestions that are only valid if there is ice covering the street) are designed to produce revenue, they have nothing to do with safety. The exception to this is the minimum speed, ifn you drive too slowly, you cause a bottleneck and force everybody behind you to alter their behavior -that causes accidents. Another really bad aspect of driving too slowly is that, because of the bottleneck that is always formed, the slowpoke VSR, effectively increases the number of cars on the road congestion wise. If you have 10-15 people doing this over a stretch of 15 miles or so you can practically double the effective number of cars on the road. The same holds true for maintaining an excessive following distance.
Dude rolled the dice and lost.
Guilty. $100 fine plus court costs plus ambulance chaser.
He’s a real weenie.
ya pays yer money and ya takes yer chances.
#64 Pyro
Surprisingly, it is very cheap to get a traffic lawyer to defend you on a speeding ticket in Houston. I got nailed for 80 in a 60 in the SW Frwy about 7 years ago and decided to contest it because I was one car in a wave of three that came over the overpass side-by-side at 80 mph, onto a sea of brake lights and the parked patrol car and radar gun at the bottom of the hill. Pissed me off to be singled out. Anyway, there was a flat fee of I think $75 for a recommended traffic lawyer. He asked for a jury trial and we came back a 2nd day for the trial. The 6-person jury sympathized with me and gave me a low fine — I was guilty after all — and then I had to pay something for court cost, so I didn’t come out ahead of just paying the fine to start with. I enjoyed it all because it was educational. The judge and the ADA prosecutor were very nice.
And this changed my driving behavior! I stopped driving in the left lane and I stopped speeding.
Every effort is made to disturb as little earth as possible during excavation so as to limit disturbance of the delicate ecosystems present at each location. When excavation is complete, we return the site to its natural state using only the material excavated at the location.
Meters are installed following State, Local, and Federal guidelines so as to accurately measure water flow to insure proper management of this valuable resource. Procedures used have been proven to result in no leakage that might result in negative environmental impact through erosion.
Tell me where to send the invoice.
69 Sarge
Pretty good.
Tedtam, I am interested to know who is requiring you to respond to these questions.
A Poem for Plumbers
by
Tony Gruenewald
Au contrere…….
I am impotent
lost in the labyrinth
of plumbing that plagues
my existence. Pipe wrenches,
washers, teflon tape,
all rendered useless,
their inventions voided
by my uncouth hands.
For the god of domesticated
water mocks me or at best
does not consider my
petitions and prayers: valves forever
frozen open or shut, whichever
is least desirable, threads eternally
crossed or stripped, faucet leaks
reverberating like 3 a.m. thunder.
Ecstasy is:
the number of an honest
plumber; one whose sympathetic
touch can sooth the savage
sweat of my sickly
pipes and spigots
and whose smile
won’t seem patronizing
after reviewing the results
of my humiliating attempts
to perform an act
of plumbing.
I have a comment from a while ago that is stuck between #68 and #69. Awaiting moderation. Don’t think it has any bad anguage-lay in it…
#70 Shannon
The Bureau of Labor Statistics.
#71 re: Poem
Mayhaps my post as poet laureate has been usurped?
Here’s an interesting tale that may shed some light on the leadership voids that we are suffering here in America today. Sad, but probably true.
http://gonzalolira.blogspot.com/2011/09/what-i-learned-at-dartmouth.html
Mrs. Darren and I recently celebrated our 14th anniversary. We went all out in luxurious celebration. We rented a movie from Blockbuster and watched it in the van.
Can’t wait for 14 more years.
And I thought I was a cheap date…
#76 Darren
Did you watch the movie or were you making out in the van?
Congratulations on 14 years!
Do you still fog up the windows?
hussy
#80 WB
/facepalm
mharper;
We watched the movie. It was way too humid to do anything else.
TT;
Cheap dates are the best.
WB;
Like on Titanic? Nope. Just sat next ot each other. We did crack open the windows as the humidity and body heat (nothing exerted) fogged up the windows.