I found these on One liner compilation, while hanging ten on the ‘net:
1. I threw a boomerang a few years ago. I now live in constant fear.
2. You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice
3. What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off
4. My teacher accused me of plagiarism. His words, not mine.
5. What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic?About half way.
6. A man in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor bastard..
7. I, for one, like Roman numerals.
8. Why does a chicken coop have two doors? Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.
9. Working in a mirror factory is something I can totally see myself doing.
10. There is no “i” in denial
11. I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I’m okay.
12. You’re not completely useless, you can always serve as a bad example.
13. What’s the difference between a well dressed man on a bike and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?
14. You can never lose a homing pigeon – if your homing pigeon doesn’t come back, what you’ve lost is a pigeon.
15. How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for the fresh prints.
16. I didn’t believe my dad was a construction site thief until I got home. All the signs were there.
17. And The Lord said come forth and receive eternal life. But john came fifth and won a toaster.
18. I have a stepladder, because my real ladder left when I was a kid.
19. Why are deer nuts better than beer nuts? Beer nuts cost $1.50 but deer nuts are under a buck.
20. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Neither, the rooster did
Rotel & Velveeta…The National Dip of Texas
Food of the Gods
Meanwhile, back in the UK:
According to the U.K.’s international trade secretary, Liam Fox, countries are lining up to strike trade deals with the U.K. — Japan, India and China are among those that have informally committed themselves, with some saying they are eager for quick deals. The U.K. has not only become the world’s most eligible free-trade partner; it has also become its most attainable. “We can make Britain a beacon for open trade,” Fox told The Sunday Times. “We have already had a number of countries saying ‘we’d love to do a trade deal with the world’s fifth-biggest economy without having to deal with the other 27 members of the EU.’”
John Frederick Lewis, Istanbul, 1869
*I was saving a “crazy eyes girl” painting for Shannon’s birthday on July 10th, but I got busy and forgot. Wait till next Friday.
Going into the North Carolina primary, nearly all GOP office holders were publicly calling on Reagan to get out of the race. He was so despised by the Republican Establishment, a studio portrait of Gov. Reagan and Mrs. Reagan was ordered removed from the offices of the Young Republicans, who were housed in the Republican National Committee on Capitol Hill. The RNC was a beehive of pro-Ford activity, even though he was unelected and even though he’d been handpicked by the now shunned Richard Nixon. The entire Establishment of the GOP, including the chairman of the College Republicans, Karl Rove, was firmly in the corner of Gerald Ford. Said Political Science Quarterly at the time, “The tactics used by the people in power — the Republican National Committee — were ruthless, cold-blooded and bordering on the fringe of being unethical.”
Reagan spoke of the platform as a “banner of bold, unmistakable colors and no pale pastels”; he spoke of “horrible missiles of destruction.” He said of the Soviets, “this is our challenge,” and he spoke of there being “no substitute for victory.” He spoke of many things, about freedom and tyranny and the future. He did not speak of or even endorse the candidacy of Gerald R. Ford for president of the United States.
Ronald Reagan never mentioned Gerald Ford’s name and never endorsed him in 1976. I watched Tom Brokaw and half a dozen other fools last night claim he did in comparing Ted Cruz’s speech to Ronald Reagan’s. They are either deliberately ignorant or intentionally fraudulent.